Apologies and Prayers

Hey Everybody,

I am going to apologize in advance for my busyness in the next three months. For not being able to spend as much time with you who matter most. But since you matter most, I'm sure you will understand. I already miss some of my friends over how busy we both have been the last month. Especially, you, the tall one. ;)It's probably my fault that I only have three months but in a way it isn't. On February 24th most likely, I want to audition for the U of S. I might audition to another school, possible in Brandon. The fact that I decided at such a late date or might I say God decided, means that I have to practice like a crazy person the next couple months. Like 2-3 hours a day and work 40 hours a week. And I am a youth leader. And I have family. And I have friends. I don't think I've ever felt this stressed out or busy in my life but I know it will be okay and that I will make it through. I could audition at a later date but really I can't because they both coincide with Africa. SO I really hope everything is going to work out and that this won't hinder my acceptance to the music program. I guess it will determine how hard I practice. SO my apologies if I have to say no to coffee or hanging out or going to a moive or going out for lunch, or extra things to be involved in. And please pray for me because I have just felt very overwhelmed in the past few months, there is just so many decisions to make and just pray that I will be able to discern the voice of God amongst the many other voices that try to speak into my life that will turn me onto the wrong path.
THanks guys, I love you all a lot, don't forget that.
Leah

Struggles of Faith

Did you know faith includes doubting? Without some doubts, there is no faith, then it is just knowledge. Just like someone holds something in their hand, and they ask you what is in it. You guess a quarter, and without showing you what is in their hand they affirm your response that it is indeed a quarter. Now you don't know this for sure, your are trusting them, putting your faith in what they tell you. You might have some doubt that it is a quarter but you are trusting that they are right. Now watch as they open their hand and show you what is in it and it is a quarter. They just destroyed your faith. Now it is knowledge and you no longer have to trust or have faith to know that your belief was right.

Sometimes this is how I feel with my family. I have doubts that I am right. I am doubting that God knows what he's doing? No. Just doubting myself and my ability to understand God and maybe I am thinking I am misinterpreting things for myself. These are the doubts I face every day. Do they destroy my faith? No. But sometimes I wonder, what am I doing? Could I be wrong? They believe this so strongly, just like I believe what I do so strongly? WHy is what I believe more accurate? WHy can't I be right? Sometimes I feel like I am afraid of what they say and I wonder why. Sometimes I try to avoid thinking about it because maybe it could shake me out of something that maybe is too comfortable for me. maybe I don't want to believe that because it is outside of my comfort zone. Why is Christmas not the right thing to do for them? WHy does it have to be this way? i do not understand. Often I want any other faith struggle but this one. This one takes away the composure and demeanor that I try to keep day after day when no one knows the thoughts I am having a lot of the time. I go around and around in my head. Ignorance is bliss, possible, but I know it doesn't help us grow. I do envy the time being a child because the one thing was no huge worries. No worries about money, or what my life will look like 5 years from now, or am I doing what God wants me to do, am I praying enough, am I reading my Bible enough, where will I go to school, What will I DO!?!? Will this Christmas be hard for me? I think it will. i think every one of them will. In different ways. Things just aren't the same anymore. Why? I hate this. WHy does life have to be so messed up? And my life isn't even messed up compared to the rest of the worlds? I feel pathetic for thinking that my life is screwed up sometimes, or my situation, or my little world and the people that I come into contact with every day? It's so much bigger than me but yet mine seem big. How immature of me!Arggghhhh!

Good night

One Word

How can one word.....
break a family
wreck a relationship
destroy hope
lie behind all that is evil
kill someone
inflict pain
abuse a child
steal from the poor
corrupt our justice system
inhilate our world?

SIN.

How can one word...
show kindness
heal families
bring people together
humble us
give generously
have integrity
die unselfishly
take our sin
bring hope to a hopeless world?

LOVE.

The power of one word........think about it. What word will you choose to promote in your life that can either damage or change the lives of those around you?

Romans 12:9 Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

1 Corinthians 14:1Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does.

The Msg.

Until next time....

Despite the Busyness

I'm not sure if that's how you spell busyness, but hey even the best mess up once in a while right? Anyways, Brittany wanted me to post so I guess I will even though I"m up to my eyeballs with stuff. This feels like a rant blog. Maybe I have nothing to complain about, but I have just been really stressed lately. Almost to the point of tears this morning because I felt like there was no one who could just sit there in listen, without throwing in their two cents or opinion, I just want to spill out everything sometimes. SO work is getting to me. Getting up at 5 every day is not easy especially when life at home isn't exactly relaxing either. It can be so insane living with three boys who are home all the time. They just make a LOT of noise, and to someone who likes quiet this is very frustrating. Wherever I go to get that quiet, they seem to follow with their loud giggles and very annoying sound effects. Girls don't make sound effects!! grrr!! I decided last week I want to apply for the Music Program at the U of S. SO I am taking piano lessons starting next week so I will be practicing a lot the next few months. I also have to brush up on my theory. If I go into this program, I know it will be very stressful for the next four years, and this is a bit apprehensive to me. I like some relaxation time and if I don't get that I go crazy. But I know if it's what I'm supposed to do, I will do it. I alos don't really want to move away like to Brandon Manitoba, I would like to stay here at the U of S. We'll see how it all works out. SO I worked 8 hours today and now I am teaching Goldfins I Can Swim for someone beause they totalled their car last night. ANd he is my friend so there is an extra double whammy, because how bad a friend would I be if I said no. I just couldn't. And then I have youth tonight, and I know I'm just going to be exhausted by 9 or even earlier. So that's my stress, there's more that I won't put on there, problems with myself and how I'm feeling at this time, how our house is just crazy and just thinking a lot about the future and hwat I am supposed to be doing. this weekend is going to be refresher time so I think I'm going to take it easy and spend time with me, yeah you heard me....me, myself, and I. Sometimes I just need that. A free weekend in front of me.

One of Those

I'm having one of those days. When nothing seems to be going right, and you know, my week was all right, not great, or awesome, but all right. And then suddenly you're around your friends and stuff and just all this stuff is happening inside you or outside you. And you're confused and upset. Everything kind of seems to suck right now. I would rather this happen during the week cause then I could actually enjoy my weekend. But I'm not right now. I'm tired.....and I don't know, I really kind of want some sugar. I hate that feeling. I am definetly not a person who uses food to try to fill an empty space inside of me because if I did I would probably be overweight. But you know you have those days where you feel is you do have some comfort food, like say....chicken noodle soup, or grilled cheese sandiwiches. And I'd say chocolate is pretty good. You somehow feel that maybe the world would be right again. And I hate when I think things are alright, and even things with God are good, I've been reading my Bible and trying to talk to Him on a regular basis, and you think because of that things will be okay. But somehow it doesn't work that way, I wish it did because it would be like....instant Band-aid. But it's not. The weeks go by so fast now, they all blend together. Last week feels like two days ago. This year is going by so fast, but not fast enough at the same time. How can that be? Things with my parents have been pretty good. I like it. They are my family and they definetly have been the ones I've turned to the most this year. That wasn't like that last year, far from it. It's funny how things change so much. People change, situations change. SOmetimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. I know this might sound really dumb, or a doubting moment but I feel this way from time to time. I feel like we are caught in this vicious cycle. I'm not mad at God or anything, I just wonder about things, and think about them, and they make no sense to me. I wonder why God made the earth. Because we ended up sinning, and now our vicious cycle is hard. To get to heaven we need to know Jesus as our personal Saviour. And then to actually stay Christians and have some kind of reward we have to work our butts of everyday to bring God to other people, so they can know Him. I always feel like I never do a good enough job. That I'm going to get to heaven and God is going to say, " you didn't do anything for me." When I tried so hard but I just never did the right things, i just didn't get it. Why did GOd make us? He could have not made us and then avoided this whole problem. Now lots of people go to hell and endure pain and suffering because we're here. Why couldn't we just not be here in the first place? I don't understand. And this is what I think about. It will never change my faith in God, or the fact that I want other people to know His love. But it just does not make sense to me at times. Life does not make sense.