Struggles of Faith
Did you know faith includes doubting? Without some doubts, there is no faith, then it is just knowledge. Just like someone holds something in their hand, and they ask you what is in it. You guess a quarter, and without showing you what is in their hand they affirm your response that it is indeed a quarter. Now you don't know this for sure, your are trusting them, putting your faith in what they tell you. You might have some doubt that it is a quarter but you are trusting that they are right. Now watch as they open their hand and show you what is in it and it is a quarter. They just destroyed your faith. Now it is knowledge and you no longer have to trust or have faith to know that your belief was right.
Sometimes this is how I feel with my family. I have doubts that I am right. I am doubting that God knows what he's doing? No. Just doubting myself and my ability to understand God and maybe I am thinking I am misinterpreting things for myself. These are the doubts I face every day. Do they destroy my faith? No. But sometimes I wonder, what am I doing? Could I be wrong? They believe this so strongly, just like I believe what I do so strongly? WHy is what I believe more accurate? WHy can't I be right? Sometimes I feel like I am afraid of what they say and I wonder why. Sometimes I try to avoid thinking about it because maybe it could shake me out of something that maybe is too comfortable for me. maybe I don't want to believe that because it is outside of my comfort zone. Why is Christmas not the right thing to do for them? WHy does it have to be this way? i do not understand. Often I want any other faith struggle but this one. This one takes away the composure and demeanor that I try to keep day after day when no one knows the thoughts I am having a lot of the time. I go around and around in my head. Ignorance is bliss, possible, but I know it doesn't help us grow. I do envy the time being a child because the one thing was no huge worries. No worries about money, or what my life will look like 5 years from now, or am I doing what God wants me to do, am I praying enough, am I reading my Bible enough, where will I go to school, What will I DO!?!? Will this Christmas be hard for me? I think it will. i think every one of them will. In different ways. Things just aren't the same anymore. Why? I hate this. WHy does life have to be so messed up? And my life isn't even messed up compared to the rest of the worlds? I feel pathetic for thinking that my life is screwed up sometimes, or my situation, or my little world and the people that I come into contact with every day? It's so much bigger than me but yet mine seem big. How immature of me!Arggghhhh!
Good night
posted by Leah @ 5:47 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Amen Leah! i feel 95% of what you have said here and i wonder everyday what i am doin or goin to do. I wish we could all be kids. no worries. no stress. nothing really able to truly break us down. But if we were to stay as kids we wold never experience love or have those speical moments when we connect with people. Those amazin relationships that can only be made by us when we are not children. I wouldnt want to give those up, but i wish there was a place we could all go once in a while where we have complete peace of mind.
I am always here if u want to vent about anything. Keep livin for God and know your not alone in these thoughts.
Hey, leah. If ever you want to call my # is 2904818 I pretty much answer it at any time in the day and if I miss it I always call back. So you know I'll listen to you when ever you want.
You are very dependent upon God, Leah. I observe the very act you portray. You are struggling in you wait upon God. I want you to look back on a time where you desperately needed God for an answer and He provided it. Remember how you wanted to shout His name from the rooftops, or just wanted to give it all to Him in praise and worship. He is faithfull. If you are suffering this much now..there must be something amazing in store for you. When you are feeling down, God is stirring something up. You are a child. Grace is easily identified in you. Give it all to Him. Now, normally I would follow this comment with a hefty verse from Psalms or the letters to the Corinthians..but I don't want you to focus on that...I want you to remember how God has been there for you in your life. He loves you so much.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other peole won't feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other peole permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
(Nelson Mandela, President of South Africa)
This is just a little pick me up to show how great you are. Believe in yourself, Leah and what God is telling you. Or what you think God might be telling you. Never give up. Perservere. Look out for opportunities to let others know of this wonder and beauty you have found. I might have more to say...but I don't want to over due it. :p This is afterall the comment section. xoxo B
Faith comes with doubting, and it is allowed, I doubt so many times that my family will come to know God but then I lift them up again in faith... I doubt many things but it is all about trusting in the Lord and not in the world. I agree about the children thing. Sometimes it would just be nice to have the only worry of who you are going to play with at the play park that day. Or what barbie gets to be with ken that day! oh the good ol' times! :) alas i still love the challanges that come with growing up painful or not. All of our lives are screwed up in some ways... Just remember my favorite verse Leah. It has gotten me through a lot and continues to get me through a lot. I love yah lots hun! :) hugs
Leah, did you catch that?
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?"
You can be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulouse, heck, you usualy are. So, let your light shine, Brittany did well with her comment, I dont have much else to say.
................but I just listen.
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