Geez, all I've had is ranting blogs lately. Sometimes life seems to be perfectly fine and then it isn't. It's late, I'm tired, but yet I can't sleep. I have to get up in 5 hours and I HATE IT!!! 8 more days!! did I mention how much I hate working?? I just want a big break.....from life! Aahhhh!!! I'm scared out of my mind for this piano audition or auditions! I don't think I have enough time, and it just doesn't seem like there's enough time to do everything. When did my life get so complicated??? When I actually started having a life? I'm so mad and hurt and annoyed right now about a bunch of different things........and last of all, frustrated. What do you want God?? I don't get my life and why stuff is happening! and when do you want things to start happening in my life! can I get some answers please????? I need You, and I need to know that You're there. I need some reassurance! Because my brain has been on overload and the thoughts just won't stop coming. and I just want to stop thinking. ANd I know I haven't been the best pray-er lately. ALl my thoughts keep bouncing around like ping pong balls. I just want to sleep and not have this torment. I know I can overdramatize thing sometimes. Especially when I write. In person, when I talk about stuff like this, I feel like an idiot. I want some freedom. Who's going to be there with me when I need to fly away? waht? does this even make any sense? well it kind of does if you read the lyrics from a Jars of Clay song called Fly. WHich is my new favourite song.
THis is the chorus, : I'll fly with you through the night, so you know I'm not letting go, I won't let you go. My tears like rain fill up the sky, oh my love I'm not letting go, I won't let you go.
Such a powerful song. I love it. Not quite sure who or what exactly they're talking about, in the context, but I've never been good at that especially with poems. THat's why I'm not going to be an Englsih Major. I'm having one of thos late night hungers, but the sucky thing is, I can't even sleep in. You ahve no idea how much I don't want to get up tomorrow. I just......I don't even know what to say. You ahve no idea how much I want a break. I'm tired of stress and problems. Maybe I just don't handle life very well. I usually think I do, and I do. Until times like these and I just don't really want answers, I jsut want to yell and no one will tell me to stop or shut up or say I'm acting stupid or immature. or say I"m being a whiner. And for even the little things to be real, and not be dsimissed as junk. what am I saying? I don't know. Someone figure it out. WHo can figure me out though? I can't figure myself out sometimes. Why do I want to cry when it's a stupid reason? am I that self-conscious about myself? Does anyone really want to be my friend that much that it would hurt them to see me become closer with someone else? cause sometimes I don't really feel that special. Oh I know you guys love me really I do. And I know you make me feel special. You do. But there's the times where I think that I don't really matter that much. Maybe this is a really bad time to write this. I'm probably just PMSing or something. Maybe that's too much information. But it could explain a lot. But can it explain away? I don't know. I just want to sleep. SO I'm going to try.
posted by Leah @ 9:54 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
TMI. Oh well. Time to do everything! Well Miss, you an I have one thing in common. We are both up and at work right now at 6:15 am! I freakin hate that as well as you do. I hate that being a grown up means tons of self sacrifice. If my family and I did not have this nasty eating habit, I would not be up right now!
As far as time to get things done goes, here's my advice: 1.Rest when you need to. You'll get more done when not resting if you take the rest you need, when you need.
2. Wait. Wait on Him! That's where the strenght is. Don't worry and fret at the end of the day about what you have not accomplished or finnished. Rejoice in what you have done. The stuff to get done will still be there tommorow. Have another crack at it then. Do you get what I am saying? There is always tommorrow.
3. Life is full of circumstances and events outside the scope of your doing and control. Don't beat yourself up over them. Stuff happens. Don't sweat the small stuff. Most things are small stuff.
4. Spend time with people who love and care about you. Not for anything you have done for them or can offer them, but simply because you are Leah! We all need love like that. We should all try to love more like that. That kind of love is God's love. Get it?!?
See you this week Leah.
Ciao
Big"J"Shep
"It's times like these that make me say 'Lord if you feel me, please come my way." Hey Leah. I had so much on mind when I read through this things like: What?, or Is that about her parents, and lots more but then when it came to commenting I could only think of that song. Its by gritz and it's basicly the only one I like and I only like for that part. And then I thought about Zeal's blog the second post was about worrying. Mathew 6:25. I know that sometimes it's hard to not worry because well for me I want to feel in control and when I don't I almost panic. I infact had a relaps sorta of what you have right ow with the audition. Only nothing really the same. But I wasn't in control and so I forced myself to a postion of control. In doing this I almost made a huge mistake. Luckly for me there are some people out there watching out for me just because they care. And I know this might not be something you want to hear right now but just enjoy the season. Spend time with your family and when things get hard for that just remember that you still have them. And I know there may be pain in holding on to some stuff but Family is something that the pain will always be worse if you let it go. I'm kinda ranting a bit here Anyway what I'm saying is God is worrying about your audition I know you will do exceptional you are great at music and God is by your side with it all. So take the time to just relax and let tomorrow worry about itself.
A friend who cares Tim.
P.s. praying isn't the only way to pray. I know that sounds weird but just think about it.
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