Tiredness has new meaning....oh yeah and stress

I hate this feeling, like you know you want to escape the stress, but at the same time you can't and you realize there is no end to it, at least for a few weeks. I worked all day today, because I had split shifts and I couldn't go home. And so I also taught lessons three times...dont'do this, it's not meant to be fun. Plus with the tender back burn and bathing suit straps cutting into your shoulders, well that added to the excitement. So, if my family is driving me insane this weekend....everyone is gone to YC. And I mean everyone! All my friends. I'm sort of feeling a bit down about that but I know it would not be good for me to go when I have an exam on Wednesday worth 50% and another assignment due on the same day. So however bored I will be it will be a good catch up time for me. So the sunburn...yeah it hurts. And for some vague reason, I have a big white "S" on my back and I was swimming with Shona on Monday. yeah and apparently I asked her to rub some sun lotion on my back. Gee, I wonder how that letter got there. I mean, especially when i asked the person who did this not to draw stuff on my back with sunscreen. You know it's really weird. I cannot figure out how it got there. But when I find out I am going to kill them. just a warning...you know who you are. So that's my story, maybe I would be a little less burnt now if that hadn't happened. But what the heck. And I am soooo tired. I've been tired all day. i've also been taking Tylenol for my burn. And I had soccer last night and I was just wiped but I stayed up moving furniture and taking out staples. It was joyous. But now our upstairs has hardwood. And soon the two upstairs bedrooms and the stairs in the front entracnce will too. Then we are probably getting linoleum, or...niloneum...since I cannot pronoucne it. Then possible our cuboards too. So renevations galore! Yeah so tha't partly why I'm so tired. I'm just...yeah. I will stop complaining now, I just really neededto vent that. How stressed I am feeling now. Everyone is tired and stressed at my house. IT is a complete disaster right now. I'm glad I turned out normal despite everything.

Until next time....

Your tired, SORE, and itchy friend

Wild Scavenger Hunts and Christmas Carols in May

This is my 50th post! It's only been about 5 months since I deleted all my posts so on average that's about a post every four days. Wow! So 100th post will be in another while

I am officially an adult now...don't I feel grown up? Lol. Well it was my birthday yesterday and unfortunately I'm sick! and I am supposed to have my birthday party tonite...well I still am I just don't feel great. My throat is scratchy, I think I'm getting laryingitis again where it hurts to talk. That's great for teaching swimming lessons isn't it??

yesterday I bought a new bike! I love it..it's lighter and it just looks so nice! I'm excited to start riding it to work and such. I was very happy to say that my sister came to youth with me yesterday, it is going to be a rare occasion but it was a blast. And Chris and Zack were here from Thompson so I also had a good time with them last night. We had M180 Amazing Race and we had all these clues sort of like a scavenger hunt all over town. We were supposed to raise money but we only managed to raise about $160. But itwas fun nonetheless. I have some good stories to tell. The first is our first clue. We went to the Saskatoon Inn and had to get a napkin and Chris was asking people to donate money and one guy he asked was such a grouch and he said, "No you kids just want it for beer money," and Chris said "no we even have a letter" and he's like no that's just fake, I saw you kids come out of the bar, you just want to buy beer. Uh huh. No offense but Chris looks like he could be 12 years old and he wants to buy beer. Are you on crack?? I mean obviously the bartender would let him buy the beer in the first place. Right. So continuing on we had to find out what a Marquis was..and nobody knew! The answers we got were a horse racing track and a kind of car. I actually think it is a horse racing track though.

We also called Pastor Jason a rebellious leader because we thought the clue was referring to him. I'm sure he was a little surprised by that confrontation. So funny though. It was actually referring to Louie Riel. So we had to go to Place Riel at the U of S and sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas to two people and get them to sign their name. Problem was that it was 9 on a friday night!! SO there was one girl sitting there waiting for the bus so we sang our little ditty to her but there was no one else there. So the bus came driving along and I'm like, "Ask the bus driver, ask the bus driver." So Ashley says to the bus driver, "can we sing to you?" so we did and as she was signing the paper, Ashley says, "You can all sign it too if you want to," to the rest of the bus and they all just stare back at her. Everyone is just straight faced. it was hilarious. So that was our night. It was great although I wasn't quite feeling all there and also I think my throat feels worse because of it. But it was my birthday! I couldn't stay home, especially since there were people from out of town visiting.

I just watched North Country. It is such a good movie. It is inspired by a true story and it is about a woman who stood up because she and other woman were being sexually harassed at the mine they worked at. I wanted to cry about 5 times through the movie. It was a really moving story. Anyways, I am tired, I slept about 4.5 hours last night. I doubt I will sleep now but I can't concentrate on the screen anymore. I hate missing work! It means less money. I think it is my body telling me I need to take a break though. That's what happened after I came back from Thompson. Anyways, I will stop rambling on. I have a tendency to do that.

Until next time...

Be You

This is going to be another random blog. Just a warning!! have you ever tried just randomly writing, writing the next word that pops into your head?? It's fun, and it's funny to read the nonsense things that come out of your head. Such as the frickin water pump is just around the bend and why do hairy gray cows eat munich and fragrances?? Lol. I know, I'm crazy. You just write the next word thats comes to mind. My sister and I did it one time last summer on vacation, it was hilarious, we laughed our heads off.

Alright, onto something more serious. Have you ever thought about who you really were? By this I mean, do you really know yourself? Your interests, your favourite things, your personality. And is it what you REALLY do like, not something you pretend to so someone will like you more? of course there are things you do for love, supporting people in their interets and activities even if you don't like it yourself. But I'm talking about pretending to be someone else or trying to be different than who you really are so a person would like you better? I was talking to someone a while ago about how sometimes we try to be like other people because we see how funny they are, or how they are well liked. And then we think maybe if we can be like that, then people will like us. Adn then you are not being yourself. And it's kind of a sad thing, because it usually doesn't work. You can't make yourself be somebody else. You have to be your authentic self. You are not going to be happy if you try to take pieces of people's personalities that you like and make that a picture of what you want to be. And that's called losing yourself. If you have ever seen Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts is the main character and she always runs away at the altar, she never gets married and this happens a lot of times. but anyways, with every man she was with she would say her favourite kind of eggs was what kind the guy liked. She didn't really know what kind of eggs she liked. You think sometimes nobody notices you, like you blend into the wallpaper, like you're invisible. No one gets what it's like to be you and live your life and be stuck inside your mind. And for some reason, nobody likes you for who you really are. So you try to be somebody else, be different, so people will like you and then maybe you will feel loved and accepted. But God loves your authentic self, who He made you to be. So you may not be the most popular person. But if you try to be the person God made you to be, the beautiful soul you have, then the relationships you bring will also be authentic and be based on truth. YOu will know who you are and what you like, and you won't let people walk all over you because you will know how you want to be treated. You won't get into unhealthy relationships where you are not treated well because you can't realize how to get out of it or even that you don't really like being treated like that. I know most of us have wanted to be other people at some time or another, take a part of that person's personality so we can be funnier, or more outgoing, or smarter. But I think one thing we also dont'realize is maybe that person that we're trying to be like, wants to be like somebody else, wants also to be different and not themselves. Like I have said before, us humans, we don''t talk a lot about how we really feel or our deepest thoughts and when we do we discover that we are more like eachother than we thought.

And you know those really nice, kind people? The ones that rarely snap at you and always greet you with a smile and you instantly feel loved? You never feel afraid to come to them and talk or just say hi, or ask them anything because you know that their response will not ever be in a harsh tone. Well I've always thought that that I can see a bit of Jesus in those people. That's what He is like right? Always open, a kind face, knowing He will love you and when you talk to Him you always feel accepted and loved. You don't even have to hesitate to come, you just automatically do that. It's the first thing you think of. They won't push me away and they won't be frustrated with me. I know few people like that and really, I can see some of Jesus in them.

Too Much

I'm feeling stressed right now. Why am I blogging then? I don't really know, I haven't for a while. I'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore. Like, three people. Sometimes I wonder what is the point. I haven't had one consecutive day where I got to do completely what I wanted to in forever. I'm feeling the pressure closing in. Plus , everything else on top of that. I am going to teach swimming lessons 7 times this week!! After, I just don't want to talk cause I've talked for three hours straight sometimes. blahhh. that's about all that will come out of my mouth. I have this computer class that thankfully is almost over, but I have a final coming up and I am worried about that. I feel like I'm always doing this class, all the time. And getting to work and back takes up so much time, for like two hours, my travel time is between 10-70 min, depending if I have to take the bus or not. Then there is this other class I'm taking that I feel like there is 500 pages of reading to do. the thing is, THERE IS 500 pages over the next two months and three reports. And soccer. And chores. And church stuff. And babysitting. And more work. And finding time for people. Finding time for things I want to get better at. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm stressed that's what it is. And tired.

Well I'm learning to appreciate the parents I have, more than before. I'm glad they are fairly open to talk to about everything. Well almost everything. the Torah thing, still makes things awkward so I always find myself stopping myself from saying stuff in conversations. I wish I still had that. But I'm sure most people can't talk to their parents about everything anyways, so I guess it's not a big deal. I know that there is someone that I can tell pretty much everything to, even if I dont'see them all the time I know they are there. And my parents are being less strict with money and stuff. They're putting money towards the bike I'm buying and they bought me a bike lock on Sunday, which I wasn't expecting. I'm also trying to eat healthier. it's weird how when I was little I would be really mad at my parents for eating differently, really healthy, so when I got older I was sort of rebellious in that area, not in a bad way, just I would eat what I wanted when I went out. And now that I'm older I'm glad they did that, and I appreciate it now, that I will know how to eat healthy and make good choices for that when I'm older and at an age where I really need to think about these kind of things. I know I feel way better when I do. I should really get back to homework. oh and for the summer, I'm going to try really hard to get time off for camp. I really want to come this year. I realized that, and realized maybe it's possible that I can still come. yay for getting time off work.

Your tired and feeling stressed aquaintance

18

One week from now I will be 18. That means by this world's standards I am techincally and adult. I can buy lottery tickets(wooh), cigarettes(oh yay), and vote(what a thrill). So many exciting things huh? I wonder how my parents feel. They always say their little baby is growing up (oh brother)...but seriously. That must make a parent proud but also sad to see their child whom has always been under their care, become an adult who is going to eventually depart from them and start a life of their own, without their parents always being there to watch out for them and provide for them. Especially since I am the oldest, this is their first time to experience this. I don't feel like I should be 18. It seems to have come too soon, too fast. 18 years of my life are gone, just like that. I don't feel that grown up to be 18. It seems like a huge age the comes with more responsibility. I'm going to be 18. I'm not a little kid anymore, but yet I still feel that way sometimes. I am tired, really tired. It's been, well...a long year. I hope that year 19 in my life will be better, better than year 18. That's all I have to say.

Until next time...