Strange

Yeah I know what you're thinking. Of course you're strange! and to that I say..... no comment. Because I know it's true a lot of the time. And I don't really mind actually. anyway, that was a huge bunny trail. I've just felt very strange this past month. I have not been the same. i've been so up and down I don't know really where I am. I've been weird and really goofy and giddy and then really sad like 5 minutes later. But I hate how sadness likes to take hold of you a lot longer than happiness. happiness is really essential. I'm just so sad right now, and I'm not really sure why. Oh yeah i partly know a bit why. I've been really busy and I feel kind of disconnected from people, like I'm not super close to anyone and just a whole bunch of other stuff. i just don't get me sometimes. I don't really know where this blog is going. I just want to cry a lot lately. The stress is getting to me. The wondering of where my life is going, am I cut out for this, is this going to take me anywhere in my life. And if I move away, I dont' really know what I'm going to do with myself. i wont' have a single friend. I'm going to cry myself to sleep from the homesickness. And then I'm going to come back and everyone is going to have their friends that they see every day, all my best friends will be here, but it won't be the same because they'll have gotten closer with the people who take my place and they'll have their inside jokes and memories together. i just dont' want to be alone. And I don't care what anyone says, that's how I feel lately. I don't get it. It's like my chest hurts and it hurts to breathe, and think and be awake. not always. I just need somebody to know me. Where is that anymore? Maybe I'm just being emo right now. I just kind of want to forget my life for a while. I need you God. can you hear me? because I feel far from you too. it's like You're there but You're not in my life. Should i be saying all this? I feel like I can never hear You whether I think I'm close to You or not. Like I'm deaf all the time. Because other people always say they heard God say something to them but I never seem to. Who is it? Is it me or You talking when i think Im' supposed to do something? What do You want with me!?!?!? I'm just kind of hurting like the kind that fades in and out like the wave coming in and out from the shore.