I just wanted to sit down here and write the next word that pops into my head. Although that could not always be a good thing. You know when you get up in the morning you're almost always going to regret that you wrote it whether you needed to do it or not. I've always had this urge to just throw something through a window, I don't know why. Only when I'm angry or frustrated though. But ultimately I think a bowling ball in the wall would be even better because it would just like disintegrate before your eyes and you could do it multiple times, but with a window you can only do it once but it does have a better sound I do think, at least what I've seen from the movies. Because you know how people tell you go to punch a pillow or something...well that just doesn't feel as good. I know from experience. You just feel like an idot sitting on your bed punching at a pillow. Like, what the heck? I"m cool sitting here beating the living daylights out of some feathers in a sack. You know what I realized about myself this week...I don't like having serious conversations on the phone, in fact, I don't like most conversations on the phone...I know it can be convenient but I would rather sit with someone and talk so i can see their face. That is important to me. And when I really need to talk to someone, there can't be two people there. I don't know why. It's weird. But I don't want to see two people's reactions or think about the fact that I may have to say different things when two people are there. And I think that makes sense. And what am I trying to say through all this?? I wrote all this down because I didn't want to say this first. I...I feel really lonely right now. I just am. All this work and never seeing people and just wanting people to slow down and for me to slow down so we can spend time together. And just talking...and really for me...being in a big group of people doesn't make me feel less lonely because that's not me and that's not what I'm looking for as a person. I guess I just came home sitting here in my basement and I felt really alone. And...I should go to bed. Good night all