Well Then

I am going to blog about my family again. Since it is that time of year the subject has been brought up a lot the last two days so sorry if I'm blogging about Christmas again. When I have no one to talk to right away I need to blog to sort out my thoughts and remember things that my parents have said so I can think about them and stuff.

So, Christmas Eve dinner or if you want to call it No Christmas Eve that's fine too :) My mom starts talking about Christmas and how Jesus and the disciples didn't celebrate Christmas and after all the disciples died is when people stopped following the Law and such. It was only around 400 A.D. when we actually did taking the pagan holiday and so on. She said "we just want to do what the Master did" Master meaning Jesus. And my dad says, "It's a pagan holiday from the get-go." At this point I was holding the tears in. Then my mom goes on to say that they are not going to church anymore and they better tell Pastor John. So I guess I'm going to be the only member of my family going to LHPA. I knew it was going to happen but when you hear it out loud it's harder than you think it's going to be. It makes it reality. My parents don't even use the name Jesus or God or Lord if they remember. If it just slips out, whatever, but mostly it is Yahweh or Yeshua or Abba. oh and my mom pronounces Yahweh -Yad eh vava or something like that which is actually how it's SUPPOSED to be pronounced. i don't know why it makes me feel weird when they say God's names like that but it does. My mom says to me the other night, "Thursday will be your dad and my date night until Yeshua comes back!" Well then! Even my dad was like, "until Yeshua comes back?" Cause supposedly Jesus is coming back around 2014. uh huh. Anways, then after supper tonight we were cleaning up in the kitchen and mom says, "do you feel like we've done for you for Christmas what you needed without compromsing our beliefs?" I said, "whatever." They still got us gifts and all and we had a meal so what am I supposed to say, "Well you know it would be really cool if we could have a tree and exchange gifts and go to church and all." that would be compromising their beliefs so they wouldn't really be up to that, you know what I'm saying? These are pretty much the exact words my mom said too, "I would like to change back to your beliefs if I could. I just feel so strongly convicted that this is the truth. I would like to have Christmas because I know you're not happy and I don't like seeing you like that so I would if I could." There is that could word again. More like I choose not to. And my dad told P. John this, "This splits up families and churches and friendships." and P. John said, "No walk of faith should split up our friendship." and that is how it should be. Am I a bad person for not wanting to be here? I love my family but it sure is not like before. I still have that thought that I'm wrong and they're so loving why can't I be too? they're not uncomfortable in their own family why am I? I want to be happy where I live. Continuing.....then my dad went on about this guy in their community who was kicked out of Elim and the church didn't even have the courage to say that they didn't like what he was saying to people in the church to his face. They sent him a letter. and then my mom said i grew up in the catholic church and the evangelical church didn't go far enough. They just switched infant baptism to adult baptism."and then she stopped and said, "I won't get into it now." I think she said that because my dad gave her a look or said she should stop under his breath. I'm sure she had a lot more stuff up her sleeve. When I hear this stuff it kind of gives me a bit of the sick feeling inside. It doesn't freak me out like it used to or make me hyperventilate because I feel like I'm disobeying God but there's still that unsettled feeling. I do not like it. My brothers are all caught up in it. My 10 year old brother today, "It's Christmas today. But who really cares." and saying all the words like Shabbat which is the Jewish word for Sabbath and Yeshua and all that. This is so much different than having non-Christian parents. Not harder in the family situation. Maybe it's harder in showing them that Christianity is the way because they've already been there and they've decided they didn't like it. Well I got to go but I'm sure that gave some insight into what is going on with my family. It doesn't have to be a secret. I didn't say anything bad about them right?